Written by Allegra Johnson, Mindful Education in Schools Assistant + CYT 200 + CYT 95
“A foundation of NVC is trusting that your relationships cannot only survive honesty but thrive with honesty.” ~ Allegra Johnson
In my first post on Nonviolent Communication (NVC), I did an introduction to NVC, and I discussed some of the benefits of bringing this concept into your personal and professional relationships. As I mentioned before, NVC is something that we do not only do with others, but with ourselves.
According to the Center for Nonviolent Communication, NVC involves caring about the needs of others as much as our own, seeking solutions that satisfy everyone involved. It's about building relationships rooted in trust, empathy, and mutual respect.
It is about trusting in honesty—trusting that if you share what is genuinely authentic to you, not a judgment or a facade, but your true self, it will be understood and valued.
One crucial aspect of understanding nonviolent communication is recognizing that it focuses on empathy and action. Even if this communication doesn't immediately improve our feelings or change our behaviors, it offers a way forward.
Engaging in nonviolent communication allows us to learn more about each other’s perspectives and how we show up in interactions. That's going to help soften and connect us. Connection is really at the heart of nonviolent communication.
Three Foundations of Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
While these three elements are essential for practicing NVC, it's important to note that there are additional foundational elements. For the sake of brevity, I've focused on these core principles, but exploring all the foundations of NVC can further enrich our understanding and practice of nonviolent communication.
Expanding our knowledge of these additional foundations can enhance our ability to build empathetic, respectful, and effective communication in all aspects of our lives.
To practice NVC, we focus on three foundational elements:
1. Honest Expression: Sharing our feelings and needs openly and authentically.
A foundation of NVC is trusting that your relationships cannot only survive honesty but thrive with honesty. This is the cornerstone that allows you to participate in NVC. I love that it comes from this place of non-violence and is deeply rooted in truthfulness.
So even if you disagree, whatever you're talking about, if both people are coming from an authentic, honest place, the relationship will thrive, and you will find a way through that. There is peace between you. There is a third way.
2. Empathic Presence: Deeply listening to and understanding the feelings and needs of others.
Communication is not only the way we communicate, it is empathetic listening, which is “listening to others with a silent and open heart,” as the Center for Nonviolent Communication says.
So thinking about being in the presence of someone, particularly when using Nonviolent Communication to share something that's maybe been bothering you or frustrating to you, you must come not only ready to share how you're feeling but to listen and to be open to what that person's perspective is. And this, certainly when thinking about nonviolent communication, is a really important piece of this.
Empathetic presence is about being with the person and setting up a space for both people to feel like they're able to have that conversation.
3. Self-Connection: Staying in touch with our own emotions and needs to communicate effectively and compassionately.
According to the Center for Nonviolent Communication, in order to practice communication in a nonviolent manner, we have to “relate to ourselves from a still place”. A place of compassion, truth, and clarity. This is where we think about not only communicating outwardly but communicating inwardly. One of the parts of this foundation is making sure that you're allowing time for this stillness throughout your day.
This can come in the form of planned meditation and prayer or even noticing our inner dialogue and recognizing where there might be criticism or blame about the way we're feeling. So when you're going into these conversations that might be more charged, or maybe they're the simplest of conversations, a dish left on the counter, you're coming from a place of stillness.
When I was first taught NVC, I learned that being non-judgmental is a crucial aspect. This includes noticing when we judge ourselves for not being non-judgmental.
This principle encourages us to practice, "third-party observing," where we take on the role of an observer in our own lives. By stepping outside of ourselves in a situation, we can notice our feelings without judgment and observe what is happening without criticism. This practice helps us to honestly express our feelings and experiences to others, sharing how someone's actions affected us without using value judgments or overly critical words.
Looking Ahead
In the next post, I’ll be talking about practical ways to put NVC into action in your personal life. In the meantime, I highly encourage you to visit the Center for Nonviolent Communication’s website which is full of amazing resources.
At Challenge to Change, Inc., we're driven by a profound belief: leaving the world better than we found it. Our Corporate Kindness Program embodies the core values of Truthfulness, Kindness, and Connection. Join us in cultivating emotionally intelligent teams dedicated to promoting safe, healthy, and supportive work environments.
If you’re interested in bringing this concept into practice within your workplace, our Wellness in the Workplace department has a variety of offerings, such as:
Keynotes and Lunch and Learns
Retreat Day Packages
Workplace Self-Care
Workplace Trainings
Peace,
Allegra
P.S. This blog post was inspired by my recent Masterclass on the topic. Check out our upcoming Masterclasses here.
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