Written by Kayla Reetz, Trauma Supports Director & Kids Yoga + Mindfulness Instructor
"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet." ~ Aristotle
Hello, All.
My most mindful lessons usually come from what I'm experiencing personally in my life, so allow me to give you a quick recap:
My husband and I moved back in with my parents after a challenging time involving so much grief, self-reflection, and things outside our control.
Six months into figuring out life while living with my parents, my father passed away. Life transitioned to providing comfort and care when needed for my mother.
Four months after that, my husband’s grandmother passed away, and we were validated again for the choice to move home. The death was different- more expected- but the grief was very similar.
You can now likely see why this post is about patience. It is and always will be one of my biggest struggles. I feel patience and compassion go hand in hand, but the ability to utilize both also involves letting go- a hard practice in itself. In my experiences, it means letting go of a sense of control and allowing the pieces to fall into place at a time not determined by me.
In the rest of this blog post, I am going to catalog my journey- both the champions and the challenges - showing the posts that took you along for the ride, and how I worked and still work through those times. I hope this blog post inspires you to continue on your own mindfulness journey. I hope it reminds you that it’s ok to not be perfect, to pick up where you left off- no matter the time between, and to give yourself grace and permission to accept what is instead of judging the idea of what you want.
I was so good at self-care before we moved. I would applaud and appreciate how I found time each day to sit on our oversized bean bag, light a candle, reflect, meditate, and journal. I speak of this in my blog post about a program that kick-started this for me. Challenge to Change, Inc still offers the online, self-paced challenge called Developing a Relationship With Yourself, and, if you want to try it, I strongly encourage it (it's also available as a continuing education course). It was a reminder of the importance of doing this for myself, to find myself. Then we moved and I lost it.
Shortly after moving, I felt that loss, that misconnection. And I tried to find it again. I carved out a space- a space I now had to share with my parents. I no longer used a bean bag; instead, I had a recliner. I had to rearrange the space to make room to move around and then put everything back in place for its original use. With every practice, I tried to continue.
I started planning and doing movement flows. I even planned challenging poses- like Crow Pose- to motivate me to build and tone specific muscle groups. And it worked for a while. I wasn’t good at doing it every day, but I was somewhat consistent. And then Dad passed and I lost it again, opting for the morning coffee time with my mother instead of my “morning meds”.
And I had to remind myself that what was happening at that time would not be all the time. My mind and body needed a different care- the care that comes with loss. I found myself gravitating toward my favorite breath technique, Anchor Breath, with my hands sometimes on my knees and sometimes on my heart, depending on how I felt that day. I let my body guide the movement, practicing poses in the moment when it felt needed instead of for a consecutive time period.
I started to consider compassion in various places. I realized that having compassion for yourself is essential before you can give compassion to others. I had to remind myself that what I was doing at the time was enough. I had to accept that I couldn't do, fix, or help with everything, and that was okay. It was also okay to not be able to return so quickly. Being patient with myself and my own desires was an inner struggle during that period.
When my body and mind started signaling that it was time to do more, I tried to commit to exercising and meditating a bit more. However, I found that getting myself to move and stick with it wasn't as easy as it used to be. I even bought a movement program from Facebook, hoping it would help, but it didn't. My 95-hour Kids Yoga and Mindfulness Teacher Training and 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training with Challenge to Change revealed gaps in the program, especially in terms of how the physical body needs to transition. As a result, I didn't stick with it for long, but I don't regret giving it a try.
And now, my body is starting to show its wear and tear. My knees are starting to ache after a simple day’s work, my back is starting to speak a little bit more. The scale shows a bit too large of numbers when I stand on it. All of this tells me it’s time to return. So, that’s where I’m at: finding ways to consistently, but gently, reintroduce challenging movement to my body and spend more time with and for myself.
All of this requires patience. Patience when working with or around others and patience for where I am instead of where I think I should be. Patience when I choose to let go of certain things I once held onto, allowing things to happen not in my timeframe. The journey isn’t about getting to a certain health standard as quick as possible, but in a way that honors how I feel, considers what life has to give, and through an intentional build to what I want.
I don’t view this time in my self-care journey as an end, a beginning, or even a restart. It is simply a part of life. The road always has ups and downs, but we get to determine the ride we have. This journey will sting as it always does, but, if we continue the effort, the benefits we receive along the way in the mind, body, and heart will prove its worth. We just need the patience to get there.
May you be filled with peace. Peace in the mind, the heart, and in the rest of your day.
~Kayla
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